ENDTIME ISSUES NEWSLETTER No. 178

ÒPracticing Headship and SubmissionÓ

Samuele Bacchiocchi, Ph. D.,

Retired Professor of Theology and Church History,

Andrews University

 

INDEX OF TOPICS OF THIS NEWSLETTER

          * How to Subscribe and Unsubscribe

          * Good News on My Liver Cancer Recovery

            * How to Contact the Center for Cancer Care

          * A New Outreach Book entitled Popular Heresies

          * A New DVD on Temperance  and Marriage

       

"Practicing Headship and Submission"

        (The Essay of this Newsletter)

 

ANNOUNCEMENT OF SERVICES & PRODUCTS

 

          * First Time Special offer on the Package of 9 DVD/

          CD albums, containing all the recordings of Prof. Jon

          Paulien, Prof, Graeme Bradford, and Prof. Bacchiocchi

 

          * Introductory offer on Prof. Jon PaulienÕs DVD album

               on Simply Revelation

 

          * Special offer on the new edition of Prof.  Bradford

            More than a Prophet, together with a free DVD album.

 

          * Upcoming seminars for July, August, and September

 

          * Incredible New Offers on Hitachi Projectors

 

          * The Smallest and most Powerful Remote Presenter

 

          * Does your church or School Need a Screen?

 

          * A New Townhome Community near Andrews University

 

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GOOD NEWS ON MY LIVER CANCER RECOVERY

 

            In previous newsletters I gave an extensive report of the providential recovery from my colon cancer surgery and liver cancer treatments. You may wish to see the image of the last  PET/CAT scan which shows that over 98% of the cancer cells have been shut down. To see the impressive color images of the three PET/CAT scans, click on this link: http://www.biblicalperspectives.com/colon/

 

       Thank you for your prayers! Thank you God for healing my body and restoring my health!  Truly I can say that I feel much stronger than before the cancer treatment.  Now I want to dedicate the remaining years of my life fully to His service.

 

How to Contact the Center for Cancer Care in Goshen, Indiana

 

            To express my gratitude to God for leading me to the unique Center for Cancer Care, in Goshen, Indiana that offers clinical trials on different forms of cancer not readily available in most cancer centers, I decided to post the information on how you can contact the Center. Over 150 Adventists have already contacted the Center. The Assistant to the President is Vladimir Radivojevic, who is a gracious and caring Adventist Christian.  Feel free to contact him by phone or email.  These are his addresses:

 

Vladimir Radivojevic MS, MBA

Assistant Vice-President

The Center for Cancer Care

200 High Park Ave.

Goshen, IN 46526

Phone: 574.535.2970      Fax: 574.535.2535

Email: vradivoj@goshenhealth.com

Websites: www.goshenhealth.com  or www.cancermidwest.com

 

          If you or someone you know has cancer, feel free to contact Vladimir. He will talk with you personally, gather your information, and place you in contact with an oncologist who can examine your situation and give you a second opinion free of charge. Vladimir told me that he wants to help patients unable to come to their Center for Cancer Care, by asking physicians to evaluating the medical records free of charge to see if the current treatments are adequate or if one of their clinical trials programs could be of special help.

 

A NEW OUTREACH BOOK ENTITLED POPULAR HERESIES

 

          The last newsletter no. 177 "Is the Catholic Church the only True Church?," generated an unusual number of responses. Many expressed their appreciation for my response to the Vatican Document "Responses . . ." released on July 10. 2007,  where Pope Benedict XVI restates the exclusivistic belief that the Catholic Church is the only true church instituted by Christ, with the means of salvation.

 

          After reading the newsletter and reflecting upon recent Vatican Declarations, some subscribers feel that the time has come to expose the unbiblical teachings of Catholic and Protestant churches, by publishing a book entitled POPULAR HERESIES. This book is to help our Adventist church to fulfill her prophetic mandate to call upon sincere people of all faiths to "come out of her, my people, lest you take part in her sins" (Rev 18:4).

 

          The sponsors of this project are willing to cover most of the expenses for researching and printing 100,000 copies of Popular Heresies. The idea is to offer the book to churches at a minimum cost of only $2.00 or 3.00, primarily to cover the mailing expenses. On August 17, 2007, when I fly to Los Angeles to speak at the White Memorial Church, I am scheduled to have breakfast with the coordinator of this project to discuss some of the details.

 

        What do you think of this project? Do you feel that a book exposing the Popular Heresies  of our times is badly needed for our witnessing outreach?  Are you willing to pass out this book to your friends? Would you consider contributing to the realization of this project? Your input is greatly appreciated.  Let me know what you think.

 

        We just came back from Italy where we had the opportunity to witness to some fine professional Catholic people. One evening the owner and manager of the lovely hotel where we were staying, came to visit me in the small lobby equipped with wireless internet service.  We spent an hour discussing some of the unbiblical Catholic beliefs, like infant baptism, conscious life after death, the eucharist, the veneration of Mary and the Saints, etc. Time and again she said:  "I have had serious questions about these Catholic teachings, but nobody has ever explained to me what the Bible teaches on these subjects. I hate to tell you that we don't even have a Bible in our home. Do you have a book that can help me understand what the Bible really teaches  on these doctrines?"

 

        I explained that I did not have a single book dealing with all the Catholic heresies, but I would give her three of my books which have been published in Italian. She never stopped thanking me for those books, which she promised to read as soon as the Summer rush is over. In this moment she works with her husband every day from 6:30 a. m. to 11:00 p. m. My wife and our daughter, Loretta, also needed some Italian books to give to the friends they made on the beach. Next time we fly to Italy, I will bring more Italian books with me.

 

        I shared this recent experience simply to show how badly we need a book to help our Catholic and Protestant friends understand why some of their cherished beliefs are unbiblical after all. To my knowledge our Adventist church has never published a book that helps people to understand the difference between our Adventist beliefs and Catholic/Protestant beliefs. We can hardly expect people to accept our Adventist beliefs, if we do not show them first why their beliefs are unbiblical.

 

        Popular Heresies will examine the historical origin and the biblical flaws of a dozen popular beliefs such as Papal Primacy, Immortality of the Soul, Sunday Sacredness, the Eucharist, Intercession of Mary and the Saints, Indulgences,  Eternal Torment in Hell, Once Saved Always Saved, Infant Baptism, the Sacraments, Mary's Immaculate Conception and Ascension to Heaven, the Use of Icons as an Aid to Worship, the Use of Alcoholic wine for worship and social occasions, etc.

 

        The purpose of the book is to help sincere Catholics and Protestants understand why some of their cherished beliefs are unbiblical. Its ultimate goal is to help people of all faiths to understand and accept fundamental Bible truths God has called us to proclaim. We believe that the time has come to sound God's final call to mankind:  "Come out of her, my people, lest you take part in her sins" (Rev 18:4).

 

SPECIAL DVD TAPING OF ABUNDANT LIFE SEMINAR

 

        At the request of the World's Woman's Christian Temperance Union, a special video taping will be done on Wednesday, August 8, 2007, of my powerpoint lecture on The Christian and Alcoholic Beverages  The lecture summarizes the highlights of my book Wine in the Bible. With the help of 120 powerpoint slides, I will share the findings of my research which shows that the Bible clearly teaches total abstinence, and not moderation.  I have been working on this lecture every waking moment for the past three weeks.

 

        This lecture will be delivered live at the International Convention of the Woman's Christian Temperance Union–an organization to which Ellen White belonged and actively supported. The President, Sarah Ward, has already invited me on two previous occasions.  This year the WWCTU is held in Indianapolis on September 14-16, 2007, and brings together Temperance Leaders from different parts of the world.  I am told that the delegates are eager to obtain the live recording of the DVD lecture which they plan to show to their congregations. If you live in Indianapolis, you are welcomed to attend. I am scheduled to deliver my lecture on Sabbath morning, September 15, at 10:00 a. m.  For directions and more detailed information, contact Sarah R. Ward, WWCTU President, at (765) 345-2306

 

        A second powerpoint lecture will also be video-taped  next Wednesday August 8, 2007. It is entitled How to Build a Happy and Lasting Marriage. In this lecture I share the highlights of my book The Marriage Covenant, by presenting 10 biblical principles for building a happy and lasting marriage. I make use of 100 powerpoint slides to deliver this lecture, which has been warmly received by congregations in different parts of the world.

 

        The DVD album with both of these lectures, is entitled ABUNDANT LIFE and will be released on August 27, 2007. At this time we offer this ABUNDANT LIFE  DVD album at a pre-release special offer of $50.00, instead of the regular $100.00. The price includes the AIRMAILING to any foreign country.

 

        You can order this album online by clicking at this link: http://www.biblicalperspectives.com/cart/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=23&products_id=102

If you have a problem ordering online, feel free to call us at (269) 471-2915.  We will take your order by phone.

 

SPECIAL FIRST TIME OFFER OF 9 DVD/CD ALBUMS FOR ONLY $150.00, INSTEAD OF THE REGULAR PRICE OF $850.00

 

        For the first time I am offering together as a package all the DVD/CD recordings of Prof. Jon Paulien, Prof. Graeme Bradford, and my own. Until now I have offered all these recordings separately which costs more.  To make it possible for many to benefit from all these timely messages, I have decided to offer them together as a package for only $150.00, instead of the regular price of $850.00.

 

        The package consists of 9 DVD/CD albums, containing a total of 20 live DVD lectures and 6 CD disks with publications and articles. For a detailed description and picture of each album click at this link: http://www.biblicalperspectives.com/cart/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=26&products_id=101

Further information is also provided at the end in the Announcements of Products.

 

ÒPracticing Headship and SubmissionÓ

Samuele Bacchiocchi, Ph. D.,

Retired Professor of Theology and Church History,

Andrews University

 

Editorial Comment

 

        Our study of the first three chapters of Genesis presented in the newsletter no. 176, has shown that the principle of male headship and female submission was established by God at creation, and not after the Fall. In this newsletter we shall reflect on the practical implications and applications of the Biblical principle of headship/submission. Specifically, we shall consider what it means from a practical standpoint for the husband to practice headship and for the wife to practice submission.  I look forward to receive your comments.

 

        The stability of the marriage covenant depends largely upon the way the husband and the wife fulfill their respective roles.  Marriage counselors often point to Òrole conflictsÓ as a major cause for the breaking up of marriages.  ÒThose of us who do marriage counseling,Ó writes Paul Stevens, Òrealize that many marriages are struggling desperately at just this point.  Some men insist that the Bible makes them responsible to God for the family.  They are boss.  Some women believe this is true and try for years to submit to a weak man or a tyrant.  But there comes a day, almost inevitably, when the woman revolts.  She may revolt by having a nervous breakdown, by getting a plane ticket and flying away, or by leaving him for another man.Ó

 

        At the root of much of the role conflicts within marital relationships, are the different interpretations and applications of the Biblical teaching on husband-headship and wife-submission.  The very mention of the terms Òheadship/submissionÓ is anathema for many who during the last three decades have made the quantum leap from ÒAdamÕs rib to womenÕs lib.Ó

 

        In the face of the Òrole confusionÓ existing in our society, it is not difficult to realize why Christian couples are also confused about their roles and often seek greater self-fulfillment by assuming different roles.  To resist the societal trend bent on eliminating or reversing roles within marriage, it is imperative for Christian spouses and young people planning for marriage, to study what God has to say in the Scripture regarding the proper roles for the husband and the wife.  The Biblical view of marital roles, as we have seen in newsletter 176, derives not from ancient patriarchal culture but from the order established by God at creation. The acceptance of such a view provides the only solid foundation for a marriage covenant.

 

        Objectives of this Bible Study.  This essay examines the meaning and applications of the Biblical principle of husband-headship and wife-submission.  The study is divided into two parts.  The first part considers the major New Testament passages concerning the roles of husband and wife.   An attempt will be made to interpret the Biblical meaning of ÒheadshipÓ and Òsubmission.Ó  The second part examines the practical implications and applications of the Biblical principle of headship/submission.  Specifically, we shall consider what it means from a practical standpoint for the husband to practice headship and for the wife to practice submission to a caring husband.

 

        This Bible Study is excerpted from chapter 5 of my book The Marriage Covenant.  For the sake of brevity, I have left out much valuable material. If you wish to read the whole chapter or the whole book, we will gladly mail you a copy. Many couples have written saying that this book has strengthen and in some cases saved their marriage. You can order the book online by clicking at this link: http://www.biblicalperspectives.com/cart/catalog/index.php?cPath=21  If you have a problem, feel free to call us at (269) 471-2915

 

THE NATURE OF THE WIFE'S SUBMISSION

 

        The major NT passage affirming the principle of husband-headship and wife-submission, is found in Ephesian 5:21-33. The passage begins with the admonition ÒBe subject to one another out of reverence for ChristÓ (v. 21). This admonition is followed immediately by PaulÕs exhortation to wives:  ÒWives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its SaviorÓ (vv. 22-23).

 

        In what sense are wives to be subject or submissive to their husbands?  There are different kinds of submission and for different motivations.  There is the calculating kind of submission designed to achieve the fulfillment of secret desires through the practice of Òfeminine wiles.Ó  There is the submission of conciliation which is accepted for the sake of peace.  There is the submission of resignation to bitter necessity.  There is the submission to the superior wisdom of another person.

 

Submission for the Sake of Christ

 

        Paul rejects the worldly patterns of submission, substituting for them a new definition: Òas to the Lord.Ó  This does not mean that a wifeÕs submission to her husband must have the same unconditional ultimacy of her commitment to Christ.  This would be an idolatrous form of submission.  The phrase suggests two possible meanings.  First, the manner of a wifeÕs submission to her husband should be similar in quality to her devotion to the Lord.  This meaning is supported by the parallel text, Colossians 3:18, which states:  ÒWives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.Ó

 

        Second, the reason for a wifeÕs submission is Òbecause the Lord wants it.Ó  This meaning is suggested by the preceding and following verses.  In the preceding verse (v. 21) the reason given for being submissive is Òout of reverence for Christ.Ó  ÒReverenceÓ is a soft translation of the Greek phobos which means Òfear.Ó  The KJV retains the literal meaning:  Òin the fear of God.Ó 

 

        In Scripture, the Òfear of the LordÓ is the response which produces obedience to His commandments.  Thus, submission Òin the fear of ChristÓ means to accept the authority of another (in this case, the husband) out of obedience to Christ who has delegated that authority.  This interpretation is supported by the following verse (v. 23) which says, ÒFor the husband is the head of the wife,Ó that is to say, because the Lord has appointed the husband to function as the head.  The recognition of this fact leads Paul to conclude his exhortation by urging wives again to fear their husbands:  ÒLet the wife see that she respects [literally ÒfearsÓ—phobetai] her husbandÓ (Eph 5:33).

 

Theological, not Cultural Reasons. 

 

        The main point here is that a wifeÕs submission to her husband rests not on cultural but on theological reasons.  Wives are asked to submit, not for the sake of social conventions or the superior wisdom of their husbands, but for the sake of Christ.  Paul grounds his injunction not on a particular culture, but on the unique relationship of loving mutuality and willing submissiveness existing between Christ and the church.

 

        Christ has appointed the husband to function as the Òhead,Ó so that when the wife subordinates herself to him, she is obeying Christ.  This does not mean that a wife is to relate to her husband as if he were Christ.  PaulÕs exhortation is ÒWives, be subject to your husbands,  as to the Lord,Ó and not Òbecause they are the Lord.Ó  Husbands are human beings, but are appointed by the Lord to act as ÒheadsÓ in the marital relationship.  Thus, Paul takes what could be a natural submission and places it within a spiritual order, an order that Christ stands behind.

 

        The wifeÕs submission to her husband is not based on the husbandÕs superiority or the wifeÕs inferiority but, as we have seen, on the husbandÕs headship role established by God at creation (1 Cor 11:8-9).  This order has been established because it affords greater harmony and effectiveness in the marital relationship.  The authority to which a wife bows is not so much that of her husband as that of the creational order to which both of them are subject.

 

Voluntary Submission

 

        A wifeÕs submission to her husband is not imposed, but consciously chosen.  It is a free, willing and loving submission.  It is not subservience, but loving assistance. The voluntary nature of her submission is indicated by two facts:  first, by the command to the husband to love his wife rather than to make her obey;  second, by the model of the submission of the church to Christ which Paul gives as an example for the wifeÕs submission to her husband. This means that as the church willingly chooses to obey Christ in response to His creative and redeeming love so the wife willingly chooses to obey the husband as a response to his caring and self-sacrificing love. This form of active obedience is not self-demeaning, but self-fulfilling and upbuilding.

 

        The purpose of this submission is not to suppress the individuality of the wife, but to ensure a deeper and more solid oneness between husband and wife as they function together in the household.  Elisabeth Elliot perceptively points out that ÒTo say that submission is synonymous with the stunting of growth, with dullness and colorlessness, spiritlessness, passivity, immaturity, servility, or even the Ôsuicide of personality,Õ as one feminist who calls herself an evangelical has suggested, is totally to miscontrue the biblical doctrine of authority.Ó

 

            In the Christian faith, authentic self-realization for men and women is found in the willing submission to the divinely-established roles grounded in creation and clarified by ChristÕs redemption.  This liberating dynamic is exemplified in the life of the Trinity and expressed in the Scriptures.

 

THE NATURE OF THE HUSBAND'S HEADSHIP

 

        The exhortation ÒWives, be subject to your husbandsÓ is followed by PaulÕs admonition to husbands: ÒHusbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for herÓ (Eph 5:25).  It is noteworthy that Paul speaks of the headship role of the husband only when exhorting wives and not when addressing the husbands themselves.  In other words, the wives are reminded that Òthe husband is the head of the wifeÓ (Eph 5:23), but that husbands are not exhorted to exercise their headship role by keeping their wives in submission.  Instead, Paul chose to confront husbands with the headship model of ChristÕs sacrificial love (Eph 5:25-27).

 

        PaulÕs approach reveals his sensitivity to human abuse of power.  He was aware of some menÕs over-concern with asserting their authority.  Consequently, he chose to emphasize not the husbandÕs right to be the head over the wife, but rather his obligation to exercise his headship through care for his wife.  Paul acknowledges the headship role of the husband in the marital relationship as an indisputable principle:  Òthe husband is the head of the wifeÓ (Eph 5:23).  There was no need to restate this principle when addressing the husbands.  What husbands needed to hear was what it means to be the head over their wives.

       

Headship Clarified

 

        Paul clarifies the meaning of headship by calling upon husbands to imitate the sacrificial leadership of Christ Himself: ÒHusbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish Ó(Eph 5:25-27).

 

        Paul here goes into great detail to explain how Christ exercises His headship role over the church, namely, through the sacrificial giving of Himself for her redemption and restoration. In the same way, the husbandÕs authority is to be expressed in self-giving love for the well-being of his wife.  The husband who follows ChristÕs leadership will exercise his headship, not by forcing his wife into a mold that stifles her initiative, her gifts, her personhood, but rather by encouraging her to develop her mental and spiritual potential.

 

        Paul further clarifies the meaning of headship by shifting back to the head/body analogy (vv. 28-30).  The husband should care for his wife as he does for his own body.  This means that a husband must be dedicated to his wifeÕs welfare by providing for all her needs.  This kind of loving and sacrificial leadership eliminates all the evils associated with hierarchical marriage and enables the two to Òbecome one fleshÓ (Eph 5:31).

 

        Biblical headship is for the sake of building others and not for oneÕs own benefit.  Headship means that the husband assumes a responsibility for the family in a way that is different from that of the wifeÕs.  The husband serves as the provider and the wife as the home-builder.  The two are not superior or inferior but complementary.  Each supplements the special gifts and responsibilities of the other.

 

Headship and Submission

 

        The model of ChristÕs sacrificial love for the church provides a most eloquent example of how headship and submission can be compatible in marital relationships.  ChristÕs headship over the church is not diminished by his self-sacrificing love for her.  By the same token, the churchÕs submission to Christ does not diminish the possibilities for her fullest development, but rather enhances them.

 

        The comparison between the relationship of Christ-the-church and husband-wife points to the ultimacy of the authority structure in marriage.  The latter, however, must always mirror the relation of Christ to the church. ÒIt was not the design of GodÓ writes Ellen  White, Òthat the husband should have control, as head of the house when he himself does not submit to Christ.  He must be under the rule of Christ that he may represent the relation of Christ to the church.Ó (The Adventist Home, p. 117).

 

        Neither headship nor submission must crush or distort the possibilities for self-growth or personal fulfillment.  Effective leadership in any organization must encourage the fullest development of the abilities of those under authority.  This requires that a leader be aware of the concerns of those under him and that the subordinates respect the wishes of the leader.  As Christians we need to maintain the delicate balance between the exercise of authority (headship) and the response to authority (submission).

 

Reasons for the Rejection of Husband-Headship

 

        Why are some feminists so offended by the Biblical principle of husband-headship that they even call for the abolition of marriage?  ÒMarriage,Ó states a feminist declaration, Òhas existed for the benefit of men and has been a legally sanctioned method of control over women . . . the end of the institution of marriage is a necessary condition for the liberation of women.Ó

 

        At the root of the rejection of husband-headship, there is a gross misunderstanding of its Biblical meaning.  In the Bible, husband-headship relates to function not to value.  If male headship in the home and in the church meant that man was innately more valuable than woman, then something would be terribly unjust in the Bible.  But male headship in the Bible does not mean that women are inferior or of lesser value than men.

 

        Human worth in the Scripture is determined not by our office or function but by our status before God by virtue of creation and redemption.  By virtue of creation, both men and women are equal before God because both have been created in the image of God (Gen 1:27).  Similarly, by virtue of redemption, both men and women are equal before God because, as we read in Galatians 3:28, we Òare all one in Christ Jesus.Ó

 

Irresponsible Male Headship

 

        A major reason that husband-headship is hotly  contested today is that all too often men demand submission from their wives without in turn submitting themselves to the headship of Christ.  With complacency, men will quote the Scripture which says Òthe head of the woman is manÓ (1 Cor 11:3, NIV) to assert their authority, forgetting the preceding statement which says:  Òthe head of every man is ChristÓ (1 Cor 11:3).   Before a man can serve as an effective head of his wife and children, he must himself submit to the headship of Christ.  ÒProper headship operates within a clearly defined chain-of-responsibility.  If the chain is broken at any link, authority becomes impaired.Ó

 

        One can hardly blame wives who resent being under the irresponsible headship of husbands who are not accountable to Christ.  That is not only unfair but also unchristian.  Biblical husband-headship, however, is patterned after the sacrificial headship of Christ over the  church, manifested in the sacrificial giving of Himself for her redemption and restoration (Eph 5:25-30).

 

Conclusion

 

        Ephesians 5 presents the headship of the husband and the submission of the wife as an order established by God to ensure unity and harmony in the home.  Paul defines and defends headship and submission in marriage  on a theological and not on a cultural basis.  By utilizing the model of Christ and the church, Paul effectively clarifies the meaning of headship and submission in marriage.  The purpose of this clarification, however, was not to do away with role distinctions in marriage, but rather to ensure their proper expression in accordance with GodÕs intended purpose.

 

PRACTICING HEADSHIP

 

        To appreciate more fully the validity and value of the Biblical principles of headship and submission, we shall now reflect on the practical implications and applications of such principles in marital relationships.

 

Leadership in Love

 

        We noticed earlier that Paul clarifies the meaning of headship by exhorting  husbands not to exercise authority over their wives, but to love them Òas Christ loved the churchÓ (Eph 5:25).  Putting it differently, Paul exhorts husbands to exercise not a headship of power, control, competence or domination, but a leadership of love.  The model is the headship of Christ over the church manifested in His willingness to sacrifice Himself for her sanctification (Òthat he might sanctify herÓ--v.26), purification (Òhaving cleansed herÓ--v.26), and glorification (Òthat he might present the church to himself in splendorÓ--v.27).

 

        This is the way I am to be the head of my wife, by loving her with the sacrificial and unconditional love of Jesus.  Jesus so loved the church that He gave up everything for her— equality with God, heavenÕs majesty and glory, the right to an earthly family, the understanding and appreciation of his fellows, a fair trial and a humane death.  This is a headship of total sacrificial and unconditional love, without rights.  As a husband, am I the kind of head who is willing to give up everything for the well-being of my wife and children?

 

        ChristÕs love cleanses and improves the church.  Through His Spirit, Christ works to Òpresent the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkleÓ (Eph 5:27).  Jesus loves to make every believer as pure and perfect as He is.  ÒDoes my love for my wife wash away her inner wounds and hurts and bring out the best in her character?  Do I make it easy or difficult for Jesus to make her radiant and blameless?  Jesus does not repress and inhibit my character but enables it to flower and realize its full potential.  Is my wife suppressed or enriched through my relationship with her?Ó

 

        Should God ask me or you one day, ÒDid you love your wife unconditionally as I loved you?Ó  What are we going to say?  Shall we look for excuses, saying, ÒWell, Lord, you know that I loved my wife in many areas.  I provided for all her material needs and I supported many of her plans and initiatives.  But it was difficult to love her completely because she was not always submissive.  Sometimes she insisted in doing things her own way, disregarding my feelings or instructions.  And remember God, she was not always trustworthy.  Sometimes she left me and the kids at home to go out to have fun.  How could I love her unconditionally?Ó  The Lord will reply, ÒI never asked you about your wifeÕs weaknesses.  I asked you, Did you love your wife unconditionally as I love you?Ó

 

        God knows our spouseÕs weaknesses as well as our own.  Yet He calls us as husbands to exercise a headship of love by loving our wives no matter what their weaknesses might be.  He calls us to exercise our headships by being first in forgiving our spousesÕ mistakes, first in nurturing and building our marital relationship, first in assuming responsibility for the physical, social, emotional, and spiritual needs of our wife and children. 

 

        Exercising a headship of love is not easy.  In fact, it is impossible on our own.  It can only be done by the enabling power of the Holy Spirit.  That is why Paul introduces his discussion of the proper relationships between husband and wife, parents and children, and servants and masters by exhorting Christians to Òbe filled with the SpiritÓ (Eph 5:18).  It is only by the enabling power of His Spirit that a husband can  begin to love his wife as Christ loved the church and that a wife can submit herself to her husband as to the Lord.

 

Leadership in Service

 

        The husband-headship of sacrificial love is manifested especially through his willingness to serve his wife and children.   This does not mean that he is under the authority of his family members or that he takes orders from them.  Rather, it means that he serves his family by giving them a loving, intelligent and sensitive service of leadership.

 

        Headship in the Scripture presupposes a leadership of service.  Christ is the head of the church because He came not to be served by the church, but to serve her (Matt 20:28).  There is a radical difference between GodÕs view and the worldÕs view of leadership.  ÒYou know,Ó Jesus explained, Òthat those who are supposed to rule over the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise  authority over them.  But it shall not be so among you;  but whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of allÓ (Mark 10:42-44).

 

        A husband fulfills the headship of service by leading, encouraging, protecting, providing, and caring for his wife and children.  As the wife has a unique role in procreation, so the husband has a unique role in provision and protection. ÒThe Lord,Ó writes Ellen White, Òhas constituted the husband the head of his wife to be her protector;  he is the house-band of the family, binding the members together, even as Christ is the head of the church and the Savior of the mystical body.Ó45  Peter emphasizes this point, saying:  ÒHusbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayersÓ (1 Pet 3:7, NIV).

 

        The wife is Òthe weaker partner,Ó not morally, spiritually or intellectually, but physically.  The considerate husband will protect her from such heavy tasks as moving furniture, repairing automobiles, transplanting trees, building fences, doing masonry.  Sometimes the husband must protect his wifeÕs health by taking over some of her burdens.  If the wife works outside the home or if she is not well, the considerate husband will alleviate his wifeÕs burdens by assuming responsibility for some of them. 

 

Leadership as Management

 

        An important aspect of the headship of the husband is to provide a caring and competent management to the family.  This involves establishing and maintaining directions, setting priorities and delegating responsibilities.  In a well-ordered family a husband exercises his headship by delegating and not by abdicating responsibilities.  This involves taking into consideration the ideas, the talents and convictions of his wife and children.  Wives are expected to Òrule their householdÓ (1 Tim 5:14) by properly managing their homes.  The wise woman of Proverbs 31 is emotionally and physically able to work creatively and sacrificially.

 

        ÒPart of the conflict and confusion which we see in homes today,Ó write Larry and Nordis Christenson, Òstems from a too simplistic exercise of headship.  To be head of the house means more than a man occupying the captainÕs quarters and barking out orders.  It means learning to shoulder the responsibility for giving informed and intelligent direction to the family."

 

        "A husband wonÕt have all the good ideas.  His wife and children, as well as people from outside the immediate family, may have important things to say about what the family ought to be doing.  It is the husbandÕs responsibility to weigh every suggestion, determine what should be done, and see that it happens.Ó

 

            The husband bears a heavy responsibility of the outcome of his decisions. If the family does not gather for worship or does not attend church, God holds the father responsible.  If the children are disobedient  and rebellious, the father is primarily to blame.  It was Eli and not his wife, who came under God's condemnation for raising two evil sons (1 Sam 3:13).